When do you know your are dying?

While I am on a poetry theme; my friend in my writer's group called this piece a poem, but I didn't plan it that way. I wanted to take a shot at talking about death which is one of those areas people shy away from. This is a slightly humorous creep into the subject.

When do you know that you are dying?

Is it when –

            Puberty takes over control of your body
            You get chicken pox, scarlet fever, polio
            You have your first orgasm

            You break your first bone

            You get the first rejection in love

             People say life is a game, a set of myths; you fight but

                      then give in and agree

             You have your first auto accident

             You get the first check from an insurance company

             Your grandparents die

             The number of your doctors exceeds ten.

             You know of a child who dies

             You are fired or divorced

             Your child has an abortion

             Your alumni notes list more than five obits

             Newspaper obits are mostly about people younger than you

             You wear socks to bed every night

Is it when you stop saying death will come “sometime” or in the “distant future” and start to say “maybe in a couple of years”?

Is it when you get to the point when you feel there is nothing you can plan for the future that you would really like to do that is still within our physical or mental capabilities?

Is it when the pain is constant?

Is it when each move is thought out for its resultant effect on the body? Sleep positions, stair climbing, getting down to or up from the floor, bending over to work on something, eating before an activity, temperature…

Is it a sense of dizziness or loss of balance, the more frequent need to recover that is a mark of not being able to do certain things …making it necessary to give up something you really enjoy?

Is it where the planning and scheduling of medical appointments takes over as a major activity?

Is it when driving your car means difficult positions to see properly, images less clearly seen and reaction speed that you don’t really want tested?
Is it where certain foods or drink will be more obviously hurtful and therefore are necessary to give up?
Is it when people constantly ask “How are you doing?” or “You look great!” and you are tired of lying in your answers?
Is it when the way you look matters less than how you feel; where you drop appearance for comfort?
Is it when things start to compound and it is obvious that your body’s natural recovery mechanism no longer fixes thing as fast or at all?
Is it when doctors make mistakes that make the situation worse so you lose confidence and hope that they can help?
Is it when you have to ask others to slow their pace so you can catch up when you have always been able to lead?
Is it when you have four major surgeries and are planning another?
Is it when you know more about cancer, joint replacement and heart disease than most GP’s?
Is it when you think before making love as it would lower your metabolism and take eight hours to recover from?
Is it when you resist telling all that worries or pains you as it may be a burden to others or seem just moaning self pity?
Is it when others don’t really want to hear or may be afraid to hear the reality of what you are saying is going on?
Is it when you notice how easy it is to disappear and not be noticed?
Is it when solitude is more valuable than sharing?
Is it when you pass denial and anger and enter bargaining and depression on the Kubler-Ross scale?

Or is it just when you start to ask the question: “When do I know when I am going to die?”

Yes, that is me on the guerney after my first open heart operation two years ago. Check out "The Gift" for the full story about that. My friend Tom says that all of us seniors are "Circling the drain". As long as we keep circling we are still in the game. So I stick to my motto. "Keep on Truckin'".