"Sex - (from a man's point of view)"

I know that there are groups and blogs that deal exclusively in this subject, but that is not our writing group. We tend to deal in memoirs, some fiction, stories about our animals and pets, travel and the history of the area. I was angry about the way TV and movies present male sexuality and wanted to do something that would fit with the group's sensitivities. This what came out.

Sex – (From a man’s point of view)

If you were to ask I would say that we have sex every day, but I think that needs a little explanation.

The other day we had our kayak group in to plan the next season and she joked that help and support wasn’t really what she needed from me for our trips it was only my trailer for all the supplies. They laughed. Standing in front of twenty five people I grabbed her by her small, strong shoulders, we mock tussled, her warm back pulled to my chest, she turned and we kissed for a moment, and then returned to leading the meeting.

When we watch TV at night she sits lengthways on the couch, I at the other end her bare feet inches from me. To emphasize something we say or think I will touch her foot or she will touch my hip. I can feel the electricity and connection of that.

In the mornings, when I have tennis early, I dress, check email and just before I leave return to the bedroom. She is awake and might be reading or listening to the weather. As I come to say goodbye I notice her shoulders are bare above her nightgown, I am aware of her soft breasts and skin as we kiss and I can feel something alive in my body.

We sleep in a queen sized bed, she in a short Victoria Secrets (I have given her more than thirty of them, sized small, in a wide range of colors and fabrics, a holiday and birthday tradition) and me in a short night shirt. Going to bed at night we will read until ready to sleep. Usually I am ready first so we draw together, kiss and I curl around her body to feel the warmth and softness of her skin and be aware of the soft smells. She reads and I drift off. A light sleeper I wake a couple of times each night. With night shirts and short night gowns we are often in skin to skin contact from the waist down. It is a warm, comforting, connecting feeling that calms the insomnia worries. Sometimes she will curl into a ball and if I am facing her, her foot will end up on my thigh. I have always hated my size twelve, hammer toed feet but her soft skinned size sixes are sensual to me; their touch exciting in the night. When the radio alarm starts in the morning we have a half hour to lie there, enjoy the eclectic music of WKZE, look out the full glass door to the totally private back yard, the trees of the 100 acre woodlands, the occasional deer, cardinal, squirrel, and spoon, bodies in contact.

She keeps her underwear in the drawers of the nightstand beside the bed and her current nightgown under the pillow. Her ritual each day in the morning is to stand beside the bed and take off her night gown, tuck it under the pillow, pause naked then put on her bra and underwear. Lazy in the bed I watch, enjoying her. At night she is in the same spot dropping the bra and underwear and reaching for her nightgown. I am aware.

From time to time during the day the intercom will crackle and she will say, “I am going to shower. Do you want to join me?” Ever since we have been together (now more than fifteen years) we have showered together. Seven years ago we bought our house on the hill and though the bedroom bath had a hot tub and a bidet the shower was a dark closet. With a little inspiration and $12,000 invested we installed a three foot wide by six foot long glass walled shower with dual heads and controls. There are symmetrical wash rag holders with maroon wash rags for color accents against the light gray tiles and a niche with a shelf for shampoos and razors plus our stamped glass soap dish that is a milky green sea with a 3D lighthouse on one side and a leaping dolphin on the other. The soaps we buy together on our trips. The current one is an orange scented, glycerin soap from our trip to Disney World. The windows in the shower and the bathroom look off across the valley with views of the trees and the suet feeder where the finches and squirrels compete. Showers are a time to be caressed by the warm water, to enjoy each others bodies, to talk over the day’s events and future plans, to use the poof to scrub each others backs, hug and feel together in a comfortable space.

There are times when I wander through the kitchen when she is cooking that I can stand behind her, put my arms around to cup her breasts, feel the warmth of our bodies touching, cheek against her hair, stand a moment then move on to what is next to be done. To have the feeling that this is OK, enjoyable, welcomed, a gift of acceptance, a shared, soft physical communication is very sensual.

So there is the explanation. It is not the hurried, grasping, mouth-nibbling kissing of Hollywood and TV or the pulsing, sweating, surging, lust driven sex of the X rated movie, but it is sex and one way or another it does happen every day.

So it came out more a love story than a protest. I think it would be interesting also to do a study of how couples go from their first kiss to developing a sexual platform that grew from their mutual respect and needs. How they dealt with the myths, the body image problem, needs, concessions, demands, angers, rejections, the smells, tastes, pains, serendipity or routine and were able to negotiate a loving positive platform. Hope some will try that.